I hate to be bored ..

.. and another thing I hate is that if I truly loved someone, I have a problem of letting them go. Some days it can be that something reminds me about a person that played a big part in my life before, and then it can take me weeks to let go of that person again. Ive had so many great persons in my life, so many friends have been supporting me and loving me for who I am, but then we choosed different paths, or they moved far away and the connection just faded out. I hate that too. I hate that I cant be with everyone I ever loved forever, I feel so lost, so insecure and so afraid sometimes. Like everyone else of course. Ive always been loved by my family, but no one liked me before I was about 15, no one gave me a chance, no one thought my words meant anything, my clothes were different, my thoughts were strange so my mouth stayed closed. I was never shy, I thought I was but no, Ive never been a shy person, Ive always been talking like a freakin parrot when Im with people that let me speak and dont shut me up or push me down right away, I just dont feel like Im smart enough to speak. Im not living in this world all the time, most of the time Im in my own dream world, making up plans of how life can be more like in my dreams, living out my wildest fantasies as much as I can with my clothes and my art, music inspiring me to talk about love beyond this world, creatures never living in this nature, words and meanings that should not be spoken from a sane person without sounding freaky or awkward. I do this, Im not saying Im special or unique in any way, Im just not ordinary and I didnt fit in when I was younger, not because I was smarter than the rest of the kids or something, I was more childish than them, I still am. Im still just a little girl with a strange way of seeing this world. And what makes me feel a little bit closer to how smart, beautiful, kind and caring I want to become is people that gives me a chance and accept me and tell me that Im a good person and that they like me for exactly who I am.
 Picture from deviantart.com, not mine.


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